split w/ lady queen paradise

by alyssa kai

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about

(recorded and mixed by noel'le longhaul; art by nick berger; released november 12th 2016 by great falls arts collective)

credits

released November 12, 2016

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about

alyssa kai Greenfield, Massachusetts

writer and performer living in western massachusetts.

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Track Name: revelation (alyssa kai)
a mournful song rang down from the hills
I didn't understand
rolled once or twice in my sleeping bag
grease in my hair head in my hands
I was taking day by terrible day
in a northern california fall
deep shame confusion deep in repentance
deep worry bout it all

what do I see in the morning
what blight barrels down toward me
writhing in my flightless body
bless the gifts this world has for me
[sunshine] soaring down toward me
what right could you bring here for me
what clamps down here in the morning
listen closely try to know me
I don't understand

the sound rang with a clicking and moaning
I rose with what little I had
saw their ancient beaks open down at me
child why are you so sad
I was sleeping night after horrible night
in the back of your van
rising when I couldn't stand the sun no more
grease in my hair head in my hands

seven turkeys in the morning
following the word toward me
wandering flightless by my body
bless the gifts this world has for me
image soaring down toward me
what light could you bring here for me
what clamps down here in the morning
listen closely try to know me
I don't understand
I'll never understand
Track Name: genuflection (alyssa kai)
open wide so god comes in
wraps herself around my throat
push her tendrils round my tongue
cover up my olive eyes
I want god to come with me
and I want god to come for me
and leave me here a lump of clay

arch my back so god can see
holds me up against her hair
binds my body down to earth
I don't wrestle anymore
I want god to come with me
and I want god to come for me
and leave me here --

cup your hands sprinkle down territory
captured land birthing ground waiting for me
rupture prone finding fault magnitudal
rapture zone empty vault waiting for you
supper plans kiss my cheek wanna be you
cracking lens body weak I can't see you
upper bone fracture sound body breaking
afterglow homeward bound for the taking
run your hands slick with grime feel the pressure
wrapped in plans sick designs my confession
cut me up fuck me up holy vaunted
caterwaul altar call all I want is

I want god to fuck my brain
take my words far away
heaven shines in single ray
casting dawn before the day
I want god to come with me
and I want god to come for me
and leave me here --
Track Name: songs (alyssa kai)
scrub my little body on stones like
seven-year-old sendspace links long dead
take these obstacles as signs of flow
sixteen different shades of red
signs of accretion (potentially cancerous)
assembling into canon hand over hand
into semantics with supposed complexity
but really just ruled by supply and demand

and I know you're good right and pure or whatever
when the chips come down I know I can do better
oh the geographies man can create
without why or wherefore
but man have you ever made a map of a land
that you didn't try to conquor

I rise from the ground and I reach for my cane
but I left it way back in massachusetts
generally I feel like an imposter to pain
but right now I could really fucking use it
I reach for my headphones (those twin singing earmuffs)
hoping the [bleeding] will halt
rub what you wrote in my little red wounds
and instead it stings me like salt

and you've laced your burdens up light as a feather
but when you're weighted down I know I can do better
I know we're all trying to do good in this world
but your contradictions test me
man like you can do anything he likes
so good behavior doesn't impress me

blood on my body oh I forgot
in the depths of my petty polemic
but it dries like every damn thing in this world
and I admit I begin to forget it
I stalk east to my cabin in the middle of nowhere
to lick what remains of my wounds
to suck up the things that are stuck to my body
and spit them back right hard at you

and you do it well when you're facing fair weather
but the rain's coming down I know I can do better
being around you
taught me what writing songs was for
but I don't wanna play the rules of your game
and I don't wanna write any songs anymore
Track Name: slab city (alyssa kai)
my body's been down in the water yeah
my body's been drowned with the land
my body's been fished from the bottom
begging to die in the sand
dark on the face of the deep yeah
but sometimes the winter don't end
dead earth dry land
grief don't talk but here I am

the future ain't lookin' alright no
the pastimes are looking the same
you think you can override death drive
you try being tender with pain
I close the garage door and somehow I notice no
somehow it's springtime again
freezing red falling sand
our salvation it is in hand

and I've been alive in the desert now
naked asleep in your arms
and I've been half-dead in the hospital
hearing your stories of harm
you rev yourself up for the summer now
your cylinders warm
who are you where ya from
doesn't matter cause here I come

someday I'm gonna stop waiting
here at the foot of your bed
someday I'm gonna drive southwest
til your song gets out of my head
someday's the day I get up from my grave to be
something the seasons don't know how to name
we praise we decay
secret's out so move away