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split w/ achter kol

by alyssa kai

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turn on the water the water drains in try to believe while you fumble about while you try like you know what you're talking about but I want you to have me like I've never been had turn off the water the water drains out decide not to notice the cold hits my skin decide not to notice I'm nowhere again but I want you to have what you think that I need so keep going stare up with sweat on my tongue and my teeth I'm on my back like you already know it never occurs to me to ever say don't cause I want you to want what I need to relay stare down the sweat that collects on your throat hand on my mouth like I asked it to be but all I can think about is making you bleed but I want you to need me to want what you have so keep going I'd rather be crying but everything's dry you reach for your bottle of lube on the floor whether or not it feels good anymore I want whatever will keep you close by I'd rather be crying but I don't cry anymore you ask to touch me and I don't get why when all you'll find in me's more fluid inside but I want what my body's been made to become if the waves keep turning if the water keeps burning I'll be the rain that collects on your window that circles the sewer and runs to the sea be the drops from the drain that runs under your car and the sweat on your hands when you play your guitar I'll be the wet that you smell on your fingers a few days from now when I'm already gone you want me wetter than weather can be make whatever you want me to be and we fuck till I'm double-bent breathing in heaves but I've got some secrets you'll never believe I don't need you I don't need you you ask me to fuck and so I'll never leave I'll push like a weed growing into your bed pull by the root while I'm giving you head or water me water me water me fed I want you I want you so keep going
dana and enna side by side living in places we shouldn't reside squatting a factory then stealing away trying to never not be in the way selling off everything that we'd been given spending the wintertime up in new england falling asleep by a cast iron stove then waking up wet from the snow in the cold we were not rebels we followed our fates like surveying errors of colonial states that quickly will smooth themselves out to be gone lines on a map that has never been drawn preska and green perpetually bored who never ran way but always ran towards we called ourselves righteous we called ourselves bare entitled in ways we were vaguely aware but romance was calling and travel is true and the future's a prison so what can you do we never settled we never could we did what we did with what we understood we were not rebels we followed our fates like surveying errors of colonial states that quickly will smooth themselves out to be gone lines on a map that has never been drawn are all of us folk punks vaccines for dominion are we the lands or the soldiers within them it isn't easy but what else can we give besides overwrought underthought performative politics tossed in the backpacks our ancestors brought us having nothing to do with the lessons they taught us we search for our freedom no freedom we find is freedom a place that we go when we die dana and enna and preska and green burdened with meaning but unable to mean stay for a week leave in a minute safe in our skin though we'd never admit it til one afternoon we walked out on the burn and we fell in the ice and we never returned and our families stoically set up our graves carved in block capitals incorrect names calmly evacuated new england towns named after places that you can find now acres and acres of history drowned lines on a map that has never been drawn all of our deviances all of our plans all of our dreams all of our demands all of our anarcho folky punk bands all of us all of us all of us equivalent lands
weak body vile form watch it surface keep it warm overwhelm it say it's well have it over never tell kiss the body in its shell kiss the tower as it fell kiss until it's nothing more weak body vile form [[spoken]]


released December 12, 2016

recorded and mixed by noel'le longhaul; art by nick berger; released december 12th 2016 by great falls arts collective


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alyssa kai Greenfield, Massachusetts

writer and performer living in western massachusetts.

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