split w/ achter kol

by alyssa kai

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released December 12, 2016

recorded and mixed by noel'le longhaul; art by nick berger; released december 12th 2016 by great falls arts collective



all rights reserved


alyssa kai Greenfield, Massachusetts

writer and performer living in western massachusetts.

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Track Name: explaining water (as a fish) (alyssa kai)
turn on the water the water drains in
try to believe while you fumble about
while you try like you know what you're talking about
but I want you to have me like I've never been had
turn off the water the water drains out
decide not to notice the cold hits my skin
decide not to notice I'm nowhere again
but I want you to have what you think that I need so keep going

stare up with sweat on my tongue and my teeth
I'm on my back like you already know
it never occurs to me to ever say don't
cause I want you to want what I need to relay
stare down the sweat that collects on your throat
hand on my mouth like I asked it to be
but all I can think about is making you bleed
but I want you to need me to want what you have so keep going

I'd rather be crying but everything's dry
you reach for your bottle of lube on the floor
whether or not it feels good anymore
I want whatever will keep you close by
I'd rather be crying but I don't cry anymore
you ask to touch me and I don't get why
when all you'll find in me's more fluid inside
but I want what my body's been made to become

if the waves keep turning
if the water keeps burning

I'll be the rain that collects on your window
that circles the sewer and runs to the sea
be the drops from the drain that runs under your car
and the sweat on your hands when you play your guitar
I'll be the wet that you smell on your fingers
a few days from now when I'm already gone
you want me wetter than weather can be
make whatever you want me to be

and we fuck till I'm double-bent breathing in heaves
but I've got some secrets you'll never believe
I don't need you I don't need you
you ask me to fuck and so I'll never leave
I'll push like a weed growing into your bed
pull by the root while I'm giving you head or
water me water me water me fed
I want you I want you so keep going
Track Name: equivalent lands (alyssa kai)
dana and enna side by side
living in places we shouldn't reside
squatting a factory then stealing away
trying to never not be in the way
selling off everything that we'd been given
spending the wintertime up in new england
falling asleep by a cast iron stove
then waking up wet from the snow in the cold

we were not rebels we followed our fates
like surveying errors of colonial states
that quickly will smooth themselves out to be gone
lines on a map that has never been drawn

preska and green perpetually bored
who never ran way but always ran towards
we called ourselves righteous we called ourselves bare
entitled in ways we were vaguely aware
but romance was calling and travel is true
and the future's a prison so what can you do
we never settled we never could
we did what we did with what we understood

we were not rebels we followed our fates
like surveying errors of colonial states
that quickly will smooth themselves out to be gone
lines on a map that has never been drawn

are all of us folk punks vaccines for dominion
are we the lands or the soldiers within them
it isn't easy but what else can we give
besides overwrought underthought performative politics
tossed in the backpacks our ancestors brought us
having nothing to do with the lessons they taught us
we search for our freedom no freedom we find
is freedom a place that we go when we die

dana and enna and preska and green
burdened with meaning but unable to mean
stay for a week leave in a minute
safe in our skin though we'd never admit it
til one afternoon we walked out on the burn
and we fell in the ice and we never returned
and our families stoically set up our graves
carved in block capitals incorrect names

calmly evacuated new england towns
named after places that you can find now
acres and acres of history drowned
lines on a map that has never been drawn
all of our deviances all of our plans
all of our dreams all of our demands
all of our anarcho folky punk bands
all of us all of us all of us equivalent lands
Track Name: gone fishing (alyssa kai)
weak body vile form
watch it surface keep it warm
overwhelm it say it's well
have it over never tell
kiss the body in its shell
kiss the tower as it fell
kiss until it's nothing more
weak body vile form

Track Name: death positive (alyssa kai)
Track Name: death negative (alyssa kai)